NLP & relationships interview part twoRelationships are just like a parts integration

  • Keeping in mind that everyone is always making the best decision available to them, they are in a relationship because it is their best option. Not because it is, but because they view it as so.
  • If we chunk up a person’s behavior compared to another person’s behavior (two parts of the parts integration) then we can come to their highest intent in a relationship.
  • This should always be to have a successful relationship, as it will contribute to them living better, surviving better, or living more abundantly.
    • Chunked down people may be with someone to hide insecurities, get over pain, or many others, but the highest intent of those will be to live better.
    • This is only how they view themselves living better.
    • They may be in a destructive relationship, but they view the net gain from making the change and leaving as more painful and less pleasurable than staying.
  • If ever the two highest intentions of a relationship don’t match (live successfully, raise children appropriately, etc.) then this is sign that the two should break up.
  • When you do chunk up to the highest intention you can use this to come to agreement with your partner.
    • Example: John just wants to raise successful kids as do you. John does it this way and you do it this way. “How is it that you guys can come together to raise the kids more successfully?”

Anchoring others

  • People are always anchoring emotions and feelings to you and their experience of you.
  • Make the emotions as positive as you can.
    • Avoid fighting
    • Talk about happy uplifting things.
    • Coming home from work and complaining is only going to anchor negative feelings to you.
    • Spending more time away from each other, and aiming for generally only happier times together is a good idea.
  • It can take just one event or experience to anchor negative emotions to yourself in the way that another person experiences you.
    • This means trauma, lying, and deceit done only one time in a large emotional burst that impacts another can have a strong association to yourself.

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