This is the most important area of your life. The success or failure of this one area will largely impact every area of your life tremendously.

1.) Pre-Supposition: “Everyone is always making the best choice available to them based on their available options.”

  • Find out how it is their best option and you can come to understanding.
    • Use perceptual positions.
    • Discover empathy
    • Ask the questions that count.
  • Also you can learn to predict their behavior, which could allow you to influence.
    • Wife gets off work late, what does she want?
    • Husband forgets to take out the trash, how can you inspire events that will make remembering to natural and easy?
    • While dating you understand how a woman is generally bombarded with neediness. How can you demonstrate that you understand this and convey that she won’t get this with you?
  • It will leave you with compassion and understanding.
    • They weren’t trying to harm you with their behavior.
    • That is just how they knew best to get what they wanted.
    • Example: Guy that cuts you off in traffic was on the way to the hospital.
  • You know don’t know the other battles that people are facing.

2.) Chunked up language for agreement

  • A lot of people are talking about politics and I actually had a friend ask me how he could get out of disagreements with new people.
  • Largely disagreements are only happening when focusing on finite, chunked down details of larger discussions.
  • As we learned in rapport, we are generally going to want to connect with others and build rapport far more often than we are going to want to disagree and argue.
    • It just serves our outcomes and theirs better.
    • There is a time and a place for disagreement.
  • Do this by taking the specific argument. It could be something as, “As I hate this political candidate because of x [financial policies for instance].”
  • Then take that argument and chunk up the language, “Yes I think it’s important that [our country is able to prosper financially].”
    • What you are doing here is making it difficult for someone to disagree with you.
    • Hard to argue for someone wanting to be worse off financially as a nation. They are very likely to agree and you can build connection from there.
    • It’s true to you. I don’t want you lying to connect with someone, and connecting on higher ideas, more important ideas, is going to be far more beneficial.

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