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NLP Podcast 50 – NLP & Relationships

NLP for Relationships

This is the most important area of your life. The success or failure of this one area will largely impact every area of your life tremendously.

1.) Pre-Supposition: “Everyone is always making the best choice available to them based on their available options.”

  • Find out how it is their best option and you can come to understanding.
    • Use perceptual positions.
    • Discover empathy
    • Ask the questions that count.
  • Also you can learn to predict their behavior, which could allow you to influence.
    • Wife gets off work late, what does she want?
    • Husband forgets to take out the trash, how can you inspire events that will make remembering to natural and easy?
    • While dating you understand how a woman is generally bombarded with neediness. How can you demonstrate that you understand this and convey that she won’t get this with you?
  • It will leave you with compassion and understanding.
    • They weren’t trying to harm you with their behavior.
    • That is just how they knew best to get what they wanted.
    • Example: Guy that cuts you off in traffic was on the way to the hospital.
  • You know don’t know the other battles that people are facing.

2.) Chunked up language for agreement

  • A lot of people are talking about politics and I actually had a friend ask me how he could get out of disagreements with new people.
  • Largely disagreements are only happening when focusing on finite, chunked down details of larger discussions.
  • As we learned in rapport, we are generally going to want to connect with others and build rapport far more often than we are going to want to disagree and argue.
    • It just serves our outcomes and theirs better.
    • There is a time and a place for disagreement.
  • Do this by taking the specific argument. It could be something as, “As I hate this political candidate because of x [financial policies for instance].”
  • Then take that argument and chunk up the language, “Yes I think it’s important that [our country is able to prosper financially].”
    • What you are doing here is making it difficult for someone to disagree with you.
    • Hard to argue for someone wanting to be worse off financially as a nation. They are very likely to agree and you can build connection from there.
    • It’s true to you. I don’t want you lying to connect with someone, and connecting on higher ideas, more important ideas, is going to be far more beneficial.

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  1. Hi John, interesting discussion. Seemed to be some strange overlap going on from 15.22 to the end of the pod cast.

    1. Hi Ranbir, Thank you for letting me know, I thought the audio had been updated. I will look into it.